Do You Suffer From Giver's Remorse?

Have you ever given a gift that was a stretch for you and afterwards thought "I'm feeling that one. I could have and maybe should have leveraged those resources somewhere else?" I've been there. I echo the words of King David when he said "I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing." There is a cost to being generous. There is sacrifice. As we wrestle with these feelings the question we sometimes arrive at is the following - Is being generous worth it?

The skitsophrenia that goes through our mind and soul during these times is a very good thing. Because wrestling with the question brings us to this ultimate conclusion and declaration - YES! There are very few things in this world as satisfying and meaningful as being generous.

This wrestling process always takes me back to a place of remembering the fundamentals in my own life. The following are just some of the basic truths I've learned regarding a generous lifestyle. I encourage you to make your own list.

1. Jesus made an impact with His generosity. "For God so loved the world that He gave." "Every good and perfect gift comes from above." Jesus is a generous God who gives in an abundant and exceeding fashion. As a Christ follower, I must reflect the spirit and actions of the one who gave His life for me. It is a privilege to reflect the heart of God.
2. Generous people impact the lives of others. Centuries ago, farmers left portions of their field unharvested so the poor could glean from it. What I take from this is it was assumed you met the needs of your family. A farmer's ultimate value was found in how his life overflowed to serve others. I love that picture. Is there anything better than being involved in someone else's answered prayer.
3. Generous people impact their own quality of life. Not only do I feel better about myself when I give, but whether its money, gifts, or time, every time I give something away, I always receive far more blessings in return. That's just how God works. You can't out give God.
4. Generous people impact the next generation. What parents do in moderation, children will do in excess. My daughter mimics everything I do. Like all of us, this is good and bad. Fortunately, she is an extraordinarily generous young lady. Now there's also those other things if you know what I mean.
5. Generous people will experience their impact for eternity. As a Christian, when you are generous, not only do you receive the aforementioned benefits, but you are definitely sending it ahead for a time you cannot see. "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

I was reminded of these five things as recently as today. Make your list and please, be an answer to someone's prayer tomorrow. You'll be glad you did.

What Parents Should Teach Their Oldest Child About Generosity

I am a 44 year old man who growing up was the oldest of five children. Through a series of events that requires its own post, I have become reunited with my youngest step-sister after twenty years. We were not estranged but due to the divorce of my dad and step-mom (her mom), we became scattered for lack of a better word.

What amazed me was she had some extremely nice things to say about my role in her life during our childhood that I truly did not deserve. I was basically a good kid but was focused on school, work, hanging out with my friends, sports, girls...you know, things a 15-20 year old focuses on. I never knew the lasting influence I would have as the eldest brother.

As I thought about this, most kids are not taught to be good stewards of their influence, much less generous with it. Frankly, it never occurred me as a teenager that I even had influence. Based upon my own experience, the following are thoughts I feel that every parent should share with their oldest son or daughter about generosity and influence. If I knew then what I know now, I could have made an even larger, more strategic impact in the lives of those around me, especially my brothers and sisters.

• Enjoy Their Lives. I should played more ball with my brothers and taken my sisters to McDonald's or the mall. God was (and continues) shaping them to uniquely have His story told through their lives. All older siblings should leverage their influence and be a part of that story. I should have just enjoyed them more and watched God work.


• Understand Their Lives. Men are fixers, even at an early age, and we struggle with developing listening skills. Older brothers should say "Tell me about your day" and listen to their struggles in relationships, academics, getting along with parents, and household chores. Older siblings, in general, should view their relationships as not one of competing but rather one involved in completing their development.


• Be A Model For Their Lives. Once investment has taken place, the younger children are more likely to listen to the older ones. I knew how to calm dad down and please my parents. I knew how to stay out of trouble and what to say...and not say. The eldest brother or sister needs to place an emphasis on coaching their younger siblings through this process and helping them navigate life's struggles.


• Protect Their Lives. This one actually comes easy as especially older brothers do a very good job of not approving of any of their sisters' boyfriends. What doesn't come easy though is understanding we actually have to protect their hearts as well. I am constantly amazed at what people remember I did 25 years ago that I had long forgotten.

If I did any of the above, it was merely by accident. Sometimes you actually do find something good stumbling around in the dark. But now that we are all grown, here's what I know.

1. I never knew how connected my heart would be towards my nieces and nephews when I became an adult. They are all just great kids and I love them dearly. We all know that how the parents turn out will greatly impact the quality of the lives of the children. I wish I could have had someone tell me that when I was younger so I could have been far more strategic in my influence over my younger brothers and sisters.


2. I never knew how proud I would be of them when they grow up to love the Lord, serve Him, and have quality home lives.


3. I never knew how much I would hurt over them as well as how much I would celebrate with them as they live out their lives.

Generosity starts when you're young and it starts with those you love most.

Parents, teach your oldest children that the greatest gifts received in this life come from what you generously give away. And teach them that they are establishing influence for a time in which they cannot see. I wish someone would have taught me that.

Why You Choose Character Over Talent

This past NFL draft will forever be known as the "Character Draft". One of the on-going decisions leaders in sports and life make is do you take a person whose is a potential character-risk even though they have great talent? You want both but if you had to choose, would you choose talent and potential? My answer is NEVER.

Can a person change? Certainly, but when you have personnel options, let someone else take the risk. Here is the problem - any success will be short-lived because talent can take you where character cannot sustain you. This week, we were reminded of these facts: "

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Increasing Your Capacity and Slump Proofing Your Leadership Part 7

We are all watching the Tiger Woods issues and the layers of damage done both professionally and to others by his decisions. Everyone has an opinion but I want to approach this issue from another perspective. It appears Tiger failed The Margin Question which asks "Do I Use My Marginal Time Wisely?" How you use your margins tells you a lot about yourself and your leadership, both self-leadership and the leadership of others. It speaks to one's character. Character is who you are when no one is watching. Here's the ironic secret - Someone is always watching!

I want to stay true to analyzing the leadership of Peyton Manning from the SI article so I will point out examples of how he uses his time to increase his capacity and slump proof his leadership. Each of these examples have been mentioned but they must also be viewed through the lens of time management.

• He spends a portion of his off-season running a passing camp. How do you spend your nights, weekends, and off-time? Is family a top priority for you?
• He spent the day after the draft working with 1st round pick Donald Brown. Do you spend off hours doing life with others and pouring into them? Are you in a group of people away from work who challenge you to get better and you challenge them? Is there accountability in your life?
• He spent an airline flight improving on a completed assignment. Do you sleep on airplanes or do you use time such as that for additional preparation?
• He spends additional time each week watching extra film of opponents. Do you set aside time each day for personal growth, reflection, and reading? Always remember, leaders are readers!

I referenced Tiger at the beginning of this post. I would like to give all men a practical insight into how to avoid the human pain and heartache that an adulterous affair can bring. Men, when you get off work, GO HOME! If you are on the road for business and have completed your assignment, GO STRAIGHT BACK TO YOUR HOTEL! Watch TV, read a book, sleep, read the Bible, do office work, do something but go back to the hotel. Here's why:

A hunter hunts best at dawn and dusk, after 5:00 PM. Proverbs 7:7-22"I (a women) saw among the naive a young man lacking sense, passing through the street near her corner, and takes the way to her house, in the twilight of the evening, in the middle of the night and in the darkness. And behold, a women comes to meet him dressed as a harlot and cunning in heart...Her feet do not remain at home...she seizes him and kisses him...Suddenly he follows her as an ox goes to the slaughter." Men, you are being hunted whether you realize it or not.

Men, nothing will decrease your capacity and influence like a moral failure - ask Tiger. One practical thing you can do is be with your family when it's time to be with your family. If men consistently go out after work without their wife, they need to know that they are being hunted by an enemy that wishes to steal, kill, and destroy.

Now it's time for personal reflection - How do you spend your marginal time? Is it centered on personal growth and the growth of others? Or is it chasing momentary pleasures that, at best, have no redemptive value or, at worst, cause irreparable damage to you and others? Make the right choice. Men, GO HOME!

Allen Iverson: The Most Overrated Superstar In NBA History

This is a tough blog to write but the implications for church and business leaders is significant. Allen Iverson is a Hall of Famer with an incredible resume. 1st pick in the 1996 NBA Draft. Rookie of the Year. 10-time NBA All-Star. 2-time All-Star game MVP. 4 time scoring champ. 2000-01 League MVP. 2004 bronze medalist in the Olympics. Over 24,000 career points which is 17th all-time. And I could go on but I will not...because unfortunately the most electrifying player in the NBA for a 5-year period is also the most overrated superstar in NBA history. The following are the reasons why:

• The success of the 76er teams in the early part of this decade were a result of Larry Brown's coaching. The Larry Brown coached Sixers averaged 45 wins per year. The AI teams not coached by Brown averaged 34 wins per year. Application: If you are deciding which church to serve in or work for, always pick the one with the "best" Pastor. If you are deciding between career options, pick the company with the best leaders. Everything rises and falls on leadership. Don't make decisions based upon financial or geographical considerations. The results will be short-lived and quality leadership will win out over an extended timeframe.
• Each team AI left dramatically improved. The Sixers made the play-offs both years after Iverson left. Andre Igoudala has emerged as a potential superstar since his departure. The Denver Nuggets made the Western Conference Finals after trading AI for Chauncy Billups. Conversely, the Detroit Pistons went from 59 wins to 39 with AI running the offense. Application: There is a difference between activity and accomplishment. You may have people on your team that are flashy and talk a good game. The people you want, though, are the ones whose departments and teams deliver consistent results. Is their area of ministry bearing fruit and growing? Are lives being changed? Are ministries being fully funded? Is your mission statement being realized as it is written? If not, you may have an AI on your hands.
• Making Others Better. It is interesting to note that not one of Iverson's 76er teammates made the All-Star game the same year he did. Not one other dominant point guard had that issue. A rising tide lifts all ships. Maybe Iverson never had talent around him but he never lifted another player's skill to a level that was significant. Check out the last 10 seconds in the clip below for his thoughts on making others better. Application: Pastor and business leader, your Executive Leadership Team should always be producing additional all-stars. It is their responsibility to embody and subsequently multiply your vision and leadership by equipping others to do the work of the ministry or organization. Key question - how many attenders have taken the risk of a new leadership position in your church in the last year? Think about the answer to that question and its implications.
• Foundational Elements. Iverson for all his skill constantly neglected the basics of his position. With a 42.5% career shooting percentage, his frenetic pace while constantly entertaining often put his team is non-enviable situations. He also had an assist-to-turnover ratio of less than 2. His disdain for practice is legendary as you will see in the clip below. In regard to his character, there were numerous off the court issues. Application: If you have a team member who constantly neglects the fundamentals in his life, the issue is when, not if, that person will put your organization in trouble. In ministry, watch how they manage money, do they arrive and leave on time, how do they interact with their spouse, how they deal with lust and the opposite sex, and most important, what does their daily quiet time looks like? Nothing can erode trust and momentum like a character issue from a key player in your organization.

Final thoughts. I loved watching Allen Iverson during his prime. He had unbelievable passion and was physically the toughest player in the NBA. However, without the strong leadership of Larry Brown, he never achieved his potential nor did the people around him. A key component to maximizing capacity is that your star players equip others for success and makes sure everyone crosses the finish line together. Pastor or business leader, the lesson we learn from the career of AI is that leadership with substance is much more sustainable than a charismatic performer or personality without a strong foundation and commitment to the success of others.

Coach Marvin Lewis of the Cincinnati Bengals

For the first time, I am impressed with the character of the Cincinnati Bengals. This new attitude is led by Head Coach Marvin Lewis. Here are some facts about Coach Lewis compiled from articles several years ago:

1. He wouldn't take the Cincinnati job until upgrades were made in travel, food, and their weight room.
2. He started a chapel program.
3. He is a constant presence and gives players his cell phone number.
4. He focuses on the "little things".
5. He was a class president, top student, and quarterback.
6. Growing up, his life revolved around his church.
7. He previously coached under Brian Billick, Bill Cowher, and learned personnel from Ozzie Newsome.

It is important to note that one's charisma and ability can often take them to a place where their character cannot sustain them. Guys like Marvin Lewis and Assistant Coach Mike Zimmer don't have to worry about that. I'm rooting this year for the Cardiac Cats.